Logic

Two guys, Cameron and Nyiko are sitting at their favourite bar, drinking
beer.

Cameron turns to Nyiko and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through
life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community
college and sign up for some classes." Nyiko agrees that it's a good
idea.

The next day, Cameron goes down to the college and meets the Dean of
Admissions, who signs him up for four basic classes: Math, English,
History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Cameron asks, "what's that?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a lawnmower?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a lawnmower, I think that you
would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house!"

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family."

"I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be
heterosexual."

"I am heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of
that because I have a lawnmower."

Excited to take the class now, Cameron shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Nyiko at the bar. He tells Nyiko about his classes, how he
has signed up for Math, English, History and Logic.

"Logic?" Nyiko says, "What's that?"

"I'll show you," says Cameron. "Do you have a lawnmower?"

"No."

"Then you're gay....."

Police Test

A man is seeking to join the Police Force.

The interviewing Sergeant says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a pistol across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six Catholics, six Muslim terrorists, and a rabbit.”

"Why the rabbit?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

Dinner For Two

This eighty year old couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary and the wife says to her husband, " Honey lets get stark naked and sit at the dinning table and eat our dinner!"

As they sat at the dinning table the wife says, "Honey I am beginning to get very hot and very aroused!"

The husband says, "That is because you have your breasts in the soup!"

African Wisdom

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.

Birthday Treat

Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever ...

I wonder where shes going ?

Family Breakfast

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table.
The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. "I'll have some f*ckin' French toast," he says.
The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs.
She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f*ckin' French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away.
Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don't know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don't want the f*ckin' French toast."

Lazy Man

A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to.
When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."